Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 21:08:00 GMT

Officials in New York City have arrested an al-Qaida sympathizer for allegedly planning a terrorist attack. You know, I hope al-Qaida gets the message. If we want to be terrorized over Thanksgiving, we have our relatives come visit us.

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 20:01:00 GMT

"Occupy Wall Street protesters are planning to occupy the subway in New York City. Because if there's one place to confront the nation's wealthiest 1 percent, it's the subway." –Conan O'Brien

"Someone shot a bullet at the White House. The Secret Service ruled out Jon Huntsman because that guy has no shot at the White House." –Conan O'Brien

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 18:14:00 GMT

"When Herman Cain was in charge of the National Restaurant Association, there were allegations of sexual harassment. They have revealed one came from Sara Lee." –David Letterman

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 16:46:00 GMT

"I love the protests. And if you think about it, what better way to send a message to Wall Street than by sitting in a pup tent banging on a drum." –David Letterman

"Yesterday, President Obama's teleprompter was stolen. Police are on the lookout for a thief that's eloquent and spreading a message of hope." –Conan O'Brien

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 16:48:00 GMT

"White House Chief of Staff Bill Daley announced he'll be leaving the White House after the election. I get the feeling a lot of people are going to be leaving the White House after the election." –Jay Leno

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 19:15:00 GMT

"You know who's also joining the Wall Street protesters? Kanye West. That's a real good idea -- a guy with diamonds in his teeth protesting greed." David Letterman

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 16:19:00 GMT

"In a new interview, President Obama revealed that Steve Jobs gave him an iPad last year before it was officially released. Unfortunately, it broke when Biden thought it was an Etch A Sketch and started shaking it." –Jimmy Fallon

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 16:15:00 GMT

"The stock market dropped 400 points yesterday. I saw a bunch of guys running out of Goldman Sachs with squeegees." –David Letterman

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 16:06:00 GMT

"The military's policy of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' is officially over. Don't confuse this with President Obama's economic policy, which is 'don't ask, I don't want to talk about it.'" –Jay Leno

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 16 Sep 2011 16:56:00 GMT

" President Obama described himself as an eternal optimist. He then explained that he's the kind of person that sees the country as 'half employed.'" Conan O'Brien

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 16:31:00 GMT

"President Obama's approval rating is very low. But then again, his disapproval rating is very high, so there's a silver lining." Jimmy Kimmel
"In what other job are you forced to hear how much people don't like you three times a week?" –Jimmy Kimmel

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 16:10:00 GMT

"Vice President Joe Biden has been in China meeting with the Chinese Vice President. One embarrassing moment during the trip when he met the Chinese Vice President's children, he said, 'What factory do you work in? Those are nice sneakers, did you make those?'" –Jay Leno

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 16:38:00 GMT

"President Obama is enjoying the fun and sun in Martha’s Vineyard. It’s really sad when your SPF factor is higher than your approval rating." –David Letterman

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 16:25:00 GMT

"The White House sent Vice-President Joe Biden to China today. So now we owe them a trillion dollars AND an apology." –Conan O'Brien

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 16:01:00 GMT

" Al Gore got so angry during a speech about global warming that he almost woke up some of the people in the audience." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Been a tough year for the NY Yankees, lost all 4 series vs the Red Sox. So today S&P downgraded the Yankees to the Mets." –Jimmy Fallon

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 16:28:00 GMT

"They say we avoided economic disaster. So now we're $16 trillion in debt. That's not 'economic disaster?" --David Letterman

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 29 Jul 2011 16:20:00 GMT

"Last night, I got Chinese food and the fortune cookie said, 'Where's my money?'" –Craig Ferguson

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 22 Jul 2011 16:32:00 GMT

"The crew of Atlantis brought an iPhone into space to track their experiments. I think that by 'track their experiments,' they mean 'play Angry Birds.'" –Craig Ferguson

"Sarah Palin's son Track and his wife are having a baby. They haven't picked a name yet, but they do know it will be a verb." –Conan

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 16:09:00 GMT

"Republicans are job creationists. We know the rich create jobs. Democrats believe that jobs just EVOLVE from millions of years of stimulus packages." –Daily Show senior debt correspondent Wyatt Cenac

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 08 Jul 2011 16:27:00 GMT

"Vice President Joe Biden has a new Twitter account. He said he will not rest until he can embarrass the president on every media platform ever invented." Jay Leno

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 01 Jul 2011 16:48:00 GMT

"Blagojevich said he was stunned by the verdict. Apparently, he wasn't paying attention during the trial." –David Letterman

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 16:26:00 GMT

"Anthony Weiner asked Bill Clinton for advice, and actually followed it for awhile. Of course eventually he was forced to tell the truth." Jay Leno

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 16:06:00 GMT

"What?! The congressman had a sex scandal and had to apologize to Bill Clinton? For what?! Copyright infringement? A patent violation?"

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 16:24:00 GMT

Fill in your own Weiner joke.

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 27 May 2011 16:54:00 GMT

"The pastor who incorrectly predicted the Rapture said it was a very tough weekend. To make it worse, his friends keep calling him saying, "Hey, it's not the end of the world!" -Conan OBrien

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 20 May 2011 18:11:00 GMT

Happy Friday.

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 13 May 2011 18:07:00 GMT

"Al-Qaida has not yet picked a new leader to run their terrorist organization. Apparently, candidates keep losing interest after asking, 'What happened to the last guy?'" –Conan O'Brien

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 06 May 2011 16:32:00 GMT

"Saddam Hussein is dead, and Osama bin Laden is dead. If you're Moammar Gadhafi, living in exile is starting to sound really good." –Jay Leno

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 17:09:00 GMT

"The man who invented the teleprompter has died at the age of 91. When President Obama heard the news, he was speechless." –Jay Leno

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 15:35:00 GMT

"Donald Trump said he'd release his personal tax returns if Obama shows his birth certificate, which is probably the first you-show-me-yours-and-I’ll-show-you-mine in a presidential campaign since, well, Clinton probably."Jimmy Kimmel

"In an interview yesterday, Donald Trump said he has a good relationship with 'the blacks.' Well, not anymore." –Jimmy Kimmel

"The FAA suspended an air traffic controller for watching a movie on the job. The controller said he was only watching a movie because he couldn't sleep." –Conan O'Brien

"Obama will participate in a town hall meetinng hosted on Facebook. So just like everyone else in America, Obama will be on Facebook when he should be working." – Conan O'Brien

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 16:12:00 GMT

Paul Ryan- the political hero of our time.

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 08 Apr 2011 16:14:00 GMT

Countdown to shutdown.

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 16:16:00 GMT

"It's one humiliation after another for Gadhafi. First his own people started rising up against him, then his compound was bombed, and now he's getting beaten up by the French." Jay Leno

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 16:10:00 GMT

Go Illini! We want to take on Bill Self's Goliaths.
I just hope they don't turn out to be a Friday Funnies.

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 11 Mar 2011 17:45:00 GMT

"Arnold Schwarzenegger has been offered a role in a sequel to 'The Terminator.' In this one he travels back in time and kills the person who suggested he run for Governor." –Conan O'Brien

"Today residents of L.A. are voting on a tax on anything sold in a medical marijuana dispensary. If the measure passes the city could be solvent within 45 minutes." –Conan O'Brien

"A flight attendant was fired from Virgin Airlines for placing a baby in an overhead compartment. To be fair, the baby did not fit under the seat." –Conan O'Brien

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 17:23:00 GMT

"A federal watchdog agency says that overlapping and duplicate programs waste billions of dollars each year. Congress is taking this study so seriously that they're ordering a second study to look into it." Jay Leno

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 17:38:00 GMT

"They say President Lincoln once walked three miles to pay back a penny. That makes him the last president to do anything about the debt." David Letterman

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 16:47:00 GMT

"Hosni Mubarak reportedly didn't understand the Internet and social networking. That may be true, but somehow he figured out how to wire $80 billion to Switzerland David Letterman

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 17:25:00 GMT

"Peru has changed its national anthem. It wasn't too hard to change the lyrics. They just let Christina Aguilera sing it." –Jay Leno

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 04 Feb 2011 17:54:00 GMT

"Even Brett Favre was like, 'Come on man, retire already, you're embarrassing yourself.'" –Jimmy Kimme

"I've been watching a lot of the news footage, and it turns out they don't walk like Egyptians after all. They walk regular like us." –Jimmy Kimmel

"They're also tired of having a president named Hosni." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Now the Egyptian crowds who are protesting have turned against the United States. Oh boy, I didn't see that coming." –David Letterman

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 28 Jan 2011 17:41:00 GMT

"President Obama said our country is facing another Sputnik moment, which is well over the heads of a lot of young people. They think Sputnik is Snooki's older sister." –Jay Leno

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 21 Jan 2011 17:39:00 GMT

"Arnold Schwarzeneggersays he's considering doing a movie in which he would play a Nazi. He says that after being governor of California, he's looking for a job that will make people hate him less." –Conan O'Brien

"The White House held a state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao. President Obama wore a traditional Chinese-made garment: a pair of Nikes." –Jay Leno

"Obama and Hu had a private dinner the night before. When Obama tried to pick up the check, Hu said, 'Your money is no good here.' Obama laughed, and Hu said, 'No, really, your money is no good.'" –Jay Leno

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 17:00:00 GMT

"Chinese President Hu Jintao will be at the White House next week. The good news is, he has no plans to foreclose. We can stay another month." –Jay Leno

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 17:00:00 GMT

"The last speaker, Nancy Pelosi has a frozen face and John Boehner has an orange face. If you put them together, you've got the Creamsicle of the House." –Jimmy Kimmel

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 08:57:00 GMT

Happy New Year!

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 24 Dec 2010 13:40:00 GMT

Merry Christmas!

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 17 Dec 2010 17:00:00 GMT

"You wouldn't know it in Los Angeles, but it's freezing in much of the country, with temperatures in the 20s in parts of Florida. I don't know how she did it, but the whole country has turned into Sarah Palin’s Alaska.”–Jimmy Kimmel

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 17:00:00 GMT

"It looks like the Bush-era tax cuts for the rich will continue, due to a strong Republican leader, Barack Obama. Today Obama changed his slogan from 'Yes we can' to 'Yes, we caved.' It’s so bad for him, now Democrats want to see his birth certificate." –Jay Leno

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 17:00:00 GMT

"The annual 'Christmas Village' in Philadelphia has been renamed the 'Holiday Village.' In fact, they're not Santa's reindeer anymore . . . They're now 'nondenominational venison.'" –Jay Leno

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 26 Nov 2010 20:44:00 GMT

Happy Thanksgiving weekend.

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 19 Nov 2010 17:00:00 GMT

For a really good time, call 1-800-TSA.

Happy Thanksgiving traveling. We need a post about airport experiences from local folks flying next week.

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 17:00:00 GMT

Post traumatic election syndrome.

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 05 Nov 2010 16:00:00 GMT

An historic election finally over...

Congratulation to the winners.

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 16:04:00 GMT

Happy Halloween.

On November 2, we'll soon find out who gets the tricks and who gets the treats.

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 16:14:00 GMT

"When I'm on a plane, If I see people who are in NPR garb, I get worried & nervous. Because they probably won't shut up the whole flight."

Jim Geraghty

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 09:16:00 GMT

18 more days of campaign ads. You know it's getting bad when you long for seed corn and Viagra commercials.

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 16:03:00 GMT

When Walter Mondale, the guy who lost 49 out of 50 states, calls your props "idiot boards" you know you've got problems.

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 16:03:00 GMT

Mayor Rahm? And Elmo testifies before Congress.

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 16:00:00 GMT

After this week, just how scared must entrenched incumbents be now?

Friday Funnies

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 16:03:00 GMT

Friday Funnies after a short work week. Weekend!!

Friday Funnies - Sep 3, 2010

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 16:00:00 GMT

Happy Labor Day ... The official start of the campaign season. Get ready to rumble.

Friday Funnies - Aug 27, 2010

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 16:00:00 GMT

Friday Funnies for the end of the week. Can bad news be funny?

Friday Funnies - Aug 20, 2010

Joan Dykstra — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 16:00:00 GMT

Friday Funnies political cartoons. Enjoy!